April 29

Poor fella still hates tummy time, but we're working on it.
I'm still not feeling well, so this will be brief. Need precious nap time.

April 24 - 4 Month Mark

Gerard is four months old today. Developmentally, he's acting like about a 2 month old. He's been off of oxygen for two weeks. Still hooked up to the monitor just in case. I'm ready to lose the monitor since I don't think we need it anymore. Michael thinks we still need it... Gerard recognizes our faces and voices and tracks us. He can make some primitive sounds and tries to put his hand in his mouth. He's very good at scratching his face and I have to cover his hands with socks a lot. He loves his mobile and is learning to watch his crib toy at night. He absolutely does not enjoy tummy time! (see photo) In fact, he screams pretty much through it. He really enjoys all types of music, but from what I gather doesn't like talk radio. He just started smiling at me a couple of days ago and I caught some smiles today. he's inconsistent with his smiles, although it's usually after eating. He's not a morning person - and usually wakes up screaming. Cranky waker like his mom. Weight is going up slowly. He's still in the "newborn" size clothing, but I guess that will end very soon. He aspires to be a size "0" just like all the Hollywooders. I tried to put some pants on him the other day but his middle is too little. Ah...one day he'll probably love for that to happen again.
As for me, today I'm starting to feel the effects of some new medication. All I can say is thank goodness for drugs! PPD (post partum depression) is horrible, and I've been barely functioning. Actually, Gerard's doctor wanted to talk about me instead of Gerard last Friday for his four month checkup since she could tell I was having a hard time. She recommended I contact my family doctor and get something. After struggling for several weeks and reading lots of other mom blogs, I finally asked for some medical help last week, after getting some horrible treatment from my doctor's front office. Some crazy operator was telling me that I couldn't just talk to my doctor - that I had to make an appointment. When I asked if I could be on the waiting list for cancellations on Monday, she said, "We don't have time for that." Say what? My NP saved the day on Friday and again on Monday by helping me in a more than timely manner. My body was rejecting all food that entered it for four days. ...And I love my food! I hope by next week I'm feeling more energetic and functioning better. I need to get my act together! I've been sinking.

I took a ridiculous amount of pictures of Gerard today in hopes of getting one that captured his personality. I didn't quite get what I wanted, but some of them are really cute. Enjoy! And yes, I know a lot are sideways. I don't have the energy to do the work today.

April 21 - Rough Night

We had a rough night last night. Gerard wanted to have awake time from 2:30 a.m. - almost 6 a.m. He's now sleeping...

Thrush

Gerard weight is back up - 10 lbs. 3 oz.

Well, we're dealing with thrush now. I won't get into details, but we're both uncomfortable. He's stable and still giving us some serious icky diapers, but no more throwing up. Today he's eating normally again and has been awake like he was about six days ago. Pressing on.

Here's some gorgeous photos Carla took of Gerard while she was visiting. Enjoy!

Long Day - Dehydrated Baby

Gerard back in the hospital

Today Gerard needed to go to the doctor because he's been spitting up/vomiting and had some serious, serious dirty diapers and a lack of wet diapers. I spoke with the doctor on the phone, and after another episode of him spitting up, decided he needed to go in to the urgent care clinic. A half hour later and a test to confirm that he was getting dehydrated - resulted in him getting admitted to the peds unit. He can't go into the NICU with a virus that's contagious, and we suspect it's rotavirus. His weight was 10 lbs. and then dropped again an hour later. I felt like he wasn't eating properly yesterday and today, and I'm glad I went with my instinct and took him in. They stuck the poor fella 7 times before giving up and sticking the IV in his head! I didn't even know that was possible. They had a NICU nurse come in because he was so dehydrated to get a good stick, and even she had trouble. Of course, she remembered Gerard... She couldn't get over how big he's gotten! He'd be at least a pound bigger had he not gotten this virus.
Needless to say, it's been another gut-wrenching day. It's hard to be home without him, and very strange to not have him here with us tonight. At least he'll get pumped up with fluids tonight.
More tomorrow. Or, whenever I get a chance to update. For now, sleep...

Bouncy Chair and lots of sleep

April 14, 2008
Gerard isn't a huge fan of the bouncy chair, but we're working on it so that mom and dad can get some things done (like eat). The past weekend was quiet at home again. Mom slept until 4 PM on Saturday, and Dad was getting worried about her. Let's just say that Dad made up for it on Sunday. I think Mom just hit the wall. All the shopping for daycare is driving her a little nutty and the stress is not healthy. It's a scary world out there for parents shopping for childcare options for extra-needs babies.

We go to the doctor on Friday, so we'll have more to report at the end of the week about Little G's progress. Anyone have suggestions for extremely dry/sensitive baby skin? He looks like a peeling snake right now. I can't seem to get a handle on it. Not sure what's happening with that. Had to put socks on his hands because he's just scratching so much.
It's been lonely here without Little Rock Auntie Carla, that's for sure! We also miss Auntie Heather in Toronto. What's happening in Canada, Heather?

Poop and pictures of visitors

OK, now that I have your attention... We all poop. No doubt. But Gerard had not pooped in four days and the result was that yesterday (after Michael left to teach of course) had a poop of poopumental proportions! I had no idea that this was possible for newborns, but I learned yet again today "not to panic" and that it is "perfectly normal for some newborns to go for up to a week without a messy diaper." I find this curious. I called the doctor. I consulted books, I researched on the internet, and today...La Leche League dishes me that question in the group. I swear, I pulled that question from the hat to ask the group at random. I won't go into detail about the La Leche League meeting, but I was pleasantly surprised by the intelligence and caring nature of the other moms in the meeting. The only thing that took me by surprise was the myriad of other children there (some moms were on child #5 or 6). Hmmm...not a lot in common, but hey, we were all moms. Not all of us moms with rambunctious toddlers, but moms nonetheless.
I still can't believe that I'm a "mom" - the word still makes me think of my own mom, or of all the other wonderful moms I know. It's bizarre to hear people refer to me as "Gerard's Mom." Can I really be a mom? How is this possible? But today, I got to hear myself in the circle announce that I'm a new mom, my baby's name is Gerard, and he was in the NICU for a long time. (Kind of like at an AA meeting, although I've never actually attended one but have seen them on TV). He's home on oxygen, and I'm attending the meeting for support and information that might be helpful. And...informative it was, especially the part about poop. For those of you who don't know, baby's who are breastfed can poop up to 3-4 times a day. It's mustardy in appearance and grainy in texture and they went on and on about poop. On and on and on. Yes...that's why I was getting concerned about him not pooping for 4 days. We think he's just using the milk he's getting to grow. He's looking a lot rounder.
Also - see all the fun photos from Carla's visit and other visitors who have come 'round in recent days. Today marks 6 weeks that we've been home. It feels like it was just yesterday, yet we've come so far -

Crazy Auntie Carla visiting from Little Rock

Carla's been here since Saturday and it's been fun, to say the least. She's been helping around the house with cleaning and cooking and feeding and we got to go to lunch yesterday. Lots of laughs, especially with the wonderful redneck stories and Southern references. Her last visit was 9 years ago and it's been way too long. We love our LR Auntie Carla! She asked me if the souls all go into the grain elevator? We also heard a hilarious "episode" of her sitcom based on a true story about a friend getting stung by a wasp (inside joke). Carla also has a issue with chocolate. She loves it. And she loves tea - so lots of tea was drunk and lots of jokes about me "hoarding" tea. The funny thing is, she bought me more tea today! Supporting my habit... Gerard's still on oxygen...as you can see (frown). I'll be downloading more photos after she leaves and I'm home alone moping again. I'll be able to laugh thinking back about all of our conversations about poop. For some reason, Gerard's backed up right now.

Another wonderful friend, Adrienne, has come and delivered meals. Thanks, Adrienne! Yummy, yummy stuff. I'm feeling really "full" these days - of good food and gratitude.

I had a wonderfully low blood pressure at the doctor's today. However, I'm coming down with something...some sort of upper respiratory/sore throat thing (viral). I also did something to my chest muscles that support the lungs with all the lifting (baby and car seat and gym). Good grief! I thought I was weak, but I guess I injured myself a little bit. Doc told me no more weight lifting or push ups (darn) for a while. I kind of like those orders for the next couple of weeks. More ibuprofen.

Michael's really busy with the end of the semester. We're both wondering how we'll survive this month at this point. But we will... we always do.

Almost...but not quite - April 4, 2008

For all of you rooting for Gerard to be off of oxygen, we're not quite there. He did rather well on the study, but tonight he started d-sat'ing and we had to put him back on after his bath. I was upset, of course. I had to remember to not have expectations. Practice non-attachment. Practice patience. It's not easy. I'm still working on it. The doctor said that we could take him off, but put him back on when he starts hitting the low-90's, which he did tonight. He was off for almost 24 hours with decent results. We will continue to try. The doctor says we should keep oxygen in the house for another month. I didn't like the sound of that, either. Disappointing. Anyway...enough of my sadness. Here are some fun photos of Gerard in the bath. You know you were waiting for these! He's looking "rashy" - and we can't figure out what that's all about. He's got my sensitive skin. Lucky guy!

Today I found out that my "coffee guy/barrister" is leaving my favorite coffee place. I'm going to miss Justin. He's the perfect guy to give me a cuppa - just friendly enough, and always asks about Gerard, but not too obnoxious for morning chats. He's really, really good - even Heather commented about what great service he offered. Good luck in Salt Lake Justin, Cucina is lucky to have you!
I'm anxiously awaiting Carla's arrival tomorrow. She'll certainly cheer me up.

April 3 - Sleep Study

Gerard Weight - 9 lbs. 7 oz. - 21" Long - Head - 15"
Last night we did a sleep study to see if little G Man can get off the oxygen. I think he did OK - setting off the monitor a few times, but understandably when he was irritated (hungry) or false alarming because of a low signal. We'll see...

The county nurse came by and gave me the weight and length numbers you see posted today. It was an OK visit. Basically, she said he's a 4 week old, and not to worry about development at this point. He is tracking, staring at objects and using his neck muscles more. We discovered that he loves sleeping on his belly (which is not recommended). With the canula in his nose, I see no harm in letting him indulge. It helps with the startle reflex to put him on his belly.

Yesterday was a good day for me. I got out a little while and got some fresh air, had a little company and enjoyed the day. I noticed some interesting things during my time out of the house. I had to go to campus for an appointment. When I got out of my car, I noticed the car next to me had a few mason jars in the back seat. Upon closer look, it was alfalfa. Yes, dried alfalfa. What's it used for? Hmmm...I laughed, and also noticed a resume on the seat. Not wanting to be too terribly nosy, I read the first few lines and saw it was a sophomore who also plays in the symphony. What's a symphony playing, alfalfa eating sophomore doing with alfalfa? Anyway, it made me chuckle. Walking into the building another observation was a girl sitting in a lounge chair with a grocery bag filled with ice on her foot. She was talking on a cell phone, but bare feet on a cold day covered in ice was way too ironic. Hmmm...what an odd couple of observations. I could go on about the geese crossing the road (or rather stopping traffic at the duck pond) and the cars blocking me when I tried to leave because one of the cars' batteries was obviously toast, but I won't. I had a mocha soy decaf latte and enjoyed it on the way home.

Gerard's smiling more in his sleep and when he's eating. The nurse says it won't be long before he gives us a real smile. I can hardly wait. I'm ready for some action!